if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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