dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
