everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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