i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
