Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
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