I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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