im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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