he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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