just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
