we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
