My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
