Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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