I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
