she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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