If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
