why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
two words...techno handjob
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize