sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
