i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
