I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
