Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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