He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
