He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
