I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
