It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
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