Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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