Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
