There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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