I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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