This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
