i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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