Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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