Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
