New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
