Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
