when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
