So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
