if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
