More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
