In the future we'll all be gay
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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