ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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