I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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