Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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