I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
