i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
