just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
