my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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