Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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