Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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