In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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