Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
