Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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