whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
