You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She bit a glass in half.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
