Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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