Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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