I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
