So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Me too!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
