Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
