did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
