If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
