just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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