i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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