drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
