It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
