sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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