You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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