Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
