that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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