you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
