I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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