I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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