Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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