you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He better not be in your backpack
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
