your thong is hanging out like whoa
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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