Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
