Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
