Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm both gender and math confused
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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