people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
