we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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