I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
