Whatcha textin bout Willis?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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