It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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