That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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