So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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