you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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