just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
