I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
