these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
