ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
