her vagine was all disorganized.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
