I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
