It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
